Well, a restraining order is a court order telling one person to stay the hell away from another person. The judge can order a restraining order if there has been recent incidents of physical violence (nope, verbal, emotional, financial abuse, etc won't cut it in our court system) or if there is a pattern of constant harassment and/or threats.
Does it work?
Well, that's relative. It depends on whether the person being restrained cares about a piece of paper and whether or not said person has the slightest fear of the court system or the police. Will a restraining order stop a controlling, abusive man from getting to the person he is most obsessed with? Probably not. Will it stop a man from calling repetively asking to get back together? Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes I think my work doesn't have a whole lot of merit. Of course, I know that women finding even an ounce of protection under the law may prevent future incidents of violence or may be empowering or motivating. I wish a restraining order did more. I wish it was more respected.
I met with client B this morning about the violations that have occured since she obtained a restraining order. She launched into a full out monologue about the guy (we'll call him Mr. F) following her in his car and coming over to her house to yell at her and threaten her. She tells me that her 12-yr old son who lives outside the country was kidnaped and a male caller (unknown if it was Mr. F) threatened her 15-yr old daughter that they were going to end up orphans because of all the problems "mom was involved in". Extended family paid the ransom to get the 12-yr old back, but how frightening to have your son kidnaped and feel so helpless not even being in the same country. After all the physical violence client B faced during years of playing mistress to Mr. F, here she is in almost the same damn spot. To make things even more traumatic, Mr. F filed for a restraining order against client B and now we have to deal with a whole mess of new paperwork and more court hearings. Mr. F accuses client B of shooting up his house and stalking him. He even had the nerve to claim to the court that he was never served (given a copy of) client B's request for a restraining order and therefore knew nothing about the hearing. Mr. F, you were served in jail by the sheriff's department...man up! He is asking the court to take away the little bit of protection client B feels she has through the restraining order.
Mr. F,
You digust me. It is of no concern to you whether you leave client B beaten, frightened, or depressed. You have taken advantage of the love that client B and, as I hear, numerous other women have given you. You have crossed boundaries, broken bones, and left a limp body behind to stoke your ego. As a social worker and as a person who has faith in a higher being, I understand that you too have value. I acknowledge you have a unique set of experiences. I believe that even though I care nothing for you, that there should be someone that does. Although saying that weakens my anger towards you a fraction, I most bluntly find you a despicable, ungrateful, destructive fuck-up.
Sincerely,
cg
(I apologize if this post offends anyone, just trying to put words to my feelings).
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