She's here and we're already 6 weeks in.

Well, we've made it one full month and a half. Baby girl made her way into the world in her own perfect way, planned and without having to change positions from being breech. Having a cesarean was not the birth that I had imagined. I tried everything possible to encourage baby to turn during those last few weeks of pregnancy. Chiropractic care. Acupuncture. Moxibustion. Inversions. Cold packs on the top of my stomach. I felt anxiety building as each passing day she stayed put, head near my heart. Knowing what I do now, baby girl didn't have enough room to turn. She was stuck in her position to no fault of her own. There's some relief in that, as well as some frustration that I put so much pressure on myself to try to change what wouldn't have changed.

Going into the c-section, I was worried that it would be a cold and distant birth, that I would feel disconnected in the sterile environment of the operating room. I so wanted to play an active role in her arrival and I felt as if I had been robbed of that. But, I was wrong. Yes, the operating room wasn't the coziest of places. There were bright lights and medical staff in plenty. But, my body had amazingly and protectively held baby girl for nine months. During that time, she flourished. She developed rapidly. And, then my body gave birth to her. No one could steal that from me. No matter the way she would have come, I would have played an active role.

I feel grateful to the surgical team that performed the operation and in particular to the attending physician that was willing to fudge some typical protocol to allow for a more natural and family-centered cesarean. I felt listened to and advocated for.

As I laid on the operating table, numb and tingling, I practically held my breath waiting for her first cry. I was scared, excited, and anxious. There were lots of 'what ifs' racing through my mind. Then, in a single moment at 10:03am, the world received a new inhabitant, our family received a new member, and my heart chiseled out a new space just for her. They placed her on my chest. I could barely see her through my tears, but I knew that she was beautiful. And while the gore of surgery resumed on one side of the blue curtain, three people were introduced to their new journey on the other.

And now here I am six weeks into motherhood, still fumbling in the dark most times, but fully committed to this little being that gifted me this new role.

Dear Baby.

Dear Baby Girl,

First and foremost I want you to know how much I love you. I want you to know how much I want to hold you, to listen and feel your little heart beating. I can’t wait to meet you, to get to know your personality and have you learn mine too. This world that you will enter is a crazy, beautiful mixture of the people it contains. I can't wait to introduce you to it, for you to witness the leaves change in the fall or for you to visit the vastness of the Pacific Ocean. I look forward to you knowing the diversity of our world, it's kaleidoscope of cultures and races and languages. Know that there is be beauty in the complex and the simple and that the world is filled with them both.

Like most parents, I want to be there for your "firsts." Your first laugh, the first time you say my name, your first steps, and the first time you say yes and no and really mean it. I want to be there when you try all kinds of different foods, particularly my favorites, which include: mac and cheese, green curry, pesto pizza, funfetti cake, and sushi. I hope you love food, because I look forward to fixing you meals and filling your belly and showing you how a kitchen can also be a therapeutic place. I look forward to watching you grow, make new discoveries, and stretch your imagination.

I promise to shelter you, but not so much so that you are unaware or disrespecftul of the people around you. This world has its tragedies. There is greed and there is poverty. There is hate and there is racism, abuse, war, and death. These tragedies often take center stage, and it is my deepest hope that you are kept safe from them to explore your childhood to the fullest. I hope that I will know when to gently and carefully expose you to others' pain, so that you can understand the privilege you have in the world, be inspired by human resiliency, and be motivated to pursue change yourself. I hope that I do not do this too soon or too late so as not to overwhelm you. But also know, there is a lot more to this world than pain; I can't wait to show you its beauty.

I promise to teach you that there is right and there is wrong, and also that life is mysterious and meant to be understood in wild shades of grey. I promise to set an example for sharing emotions and to help you identify and process your own. I promise to help you cultivate your passions, your dreams, and your identity, whatever those might be. I promise to love you, always and even when you're a toddler and a teenager. But more than that, I promise to love your dad, to try my best to show you an example of a healthy relationship. Because if there is one thing that I really want you to know it is that you are valued and you have the right and responsibility to love and be loved with respect. Baby Girl, when the time is right, I will get to meet you. I'll get to see your eyes stare back at mine and I will most likely be overwhelmed by a sense of pride and purpose. I look forward to that moment and the millions that will come after it.

Love,

Your Mama

Attend an Alabama Football Game.

So….it's been another long hiatus.

But lookie here, I'm back again. And, I'm back with a few updates on my 30 by 30 list. Here's the short version, I turned 30 at the beginning of this month and I didn't quite finish off my list. And, I'm okay with that. It would have been great to check off all 30 of those things, but I feel pretty accomplished with what I did check off.

And, I'm back with a recap of one of the items that barely slipped in under the time limit: Attend an Alabama football game.

Here's baby girl and I at Bryant-Denny Stadium.

 

It was a cold day in Tuscaloosa, but my parents, Micah, and I braved the elements and were quite thankful that the rain held off.

It was a great game. A 49-0 Bama win.
Wahoo! RTR!
(I'm just not going to think about the game that happened a week later!)

Pardon my blog silence....

This has been happening. :)

Gender Reveal from cginsf on Vimeo.

Europe Trip, Part V: Edinburgh

And then we went to Scotland...

Micah and I flew into Glasgow and rented a car for the last portion of our trip. On our drive to Edinburgh, we took a detour south, passing through Dalry and Kilwinning, two very small towns in North Aryshire. My dad's side of the family has roots in this area, and it was meaningful to me to be able to experience just a touch of the landscape.

We might have been slightly distracted as we were driving around though, given that we had just rented a car and, oh, were driving on the wrong side of the road with occasional snow flurries and terrifying roundabouts.

We stayed with a friend of a friend in Edinburgh and again it was nice to have a local's perspective. We enjoyed Indian food at Khushi's our first night. As we walked back to where we were staying, we were caught in a snow fall. It was dark and quiet. The snow fell quickly and reflected the street lights. Pretty magical.

The next morning we caught a double decker bus up towards Edinburgh Castle.

There she stood, tall and mighty.

She was magnificent.

Edinburgh Castle was the most interesting and breathtaking of all the castles I saw. It was not only apparent the time and energy that has gone into preserving such a historic landmark, but the pride that is taken in doing so.

The Scottish Crown Jewels, which consist of the Crown, the Sceptre, and the Sword, reside in the Castle. They alone could have made the trek up to the Castle worth it, because they are incredible to see. However, the Castle was beautiful and the views of the mountains and the ocean were stunning.

From the Castle, we walked down the Royal Mile to St. Giles Cathedral, visited John Knox's statue, and went to the Museum of Scotland.

The museum is somewhat a mishmash of historical artifacts and storytelling of eras gone by. It most definitely requires the use of the museum map to find your way around as the many floors and exhibits can be confusing.

We finished our walk down the Royal Mile and then took a spontaneous side path which led us up to Old Calton Cemetery. In the cemetery there is a statue of Abraham Lincoln, which although perplexing, we later found out was erected to celebrate the defeat of slavery and to commemorate Scottish Americans that fought for the Union in the U.S. Civil War.

Edinburgh was a beautiful city, surrounded by mountains and ocean, and rich in history. I'm sure there was much more to be seen that we didn't get to (we were only there for a day and a half), but I'm also glad that we left when we did so that we had more time to enjoy the Highlands!

Up next: The Scottish Highlands.

Europe Trip, Part IV: Berlin

We've made it to the recap of the 4th stop of the European Extravaganza!

Berlin, Germany

Side note: in multiple of the cities that Micah and I visited, we used airbnb to find places to stay and it worked fabulously! In Berlin, we stayed with two sisters and they gave great recommendations. In particular, the night we arrived, it was late and we were hungry and they suggested a Vietnamese place that was near their place. It was called Si An. And, it was the BEST Vietnamese food I've had!

Now to the pictures....

We did a second walking tour in Berlin and while I enjoyed parts of it, I'm not sure I would enthusiastically recommend it to someone else (especially it that someone else had limited time in such an incredible city!)

Holocaust Memorial

Our tourguide was quite educational and gave not only information about the sites we were seeing, but the more general historical and present day context of the city. In fact, it was kind of like a 3 hour outdoor lecture, and had it not been freezing temperatures out I probably would have enjoyed it more.

Oh, Berlin, we parted too soon.

Berlin is a little rough around the edges, in a gritty, real kind of way, in a way that remembers its past but doesn't quite know its future. For being a capital city, I expected, perhaps, a bit more sophistication, pretentious sophistication. Pretentious it was not. Sophisticated it was in the international and intellectual sense, but not in the "look at all my fine china" Vienna sense.

In fact, there were a lot of things that reminded me of San Francisco in our visit to Berlin. And you may not know, dear reader, but San Francisco will always hold the trophy for my first city love.

Berliner Dom

East Side Gallery: an outdoor art exhibit that has been created over part of the Berlin Wall.

Walking around Berlin, I saw a lot of growth. It was in the roped off areas and construction sites. It was in the prevalence of babies and small children (especially in the neighborhood we stayed in). It was in the large crowds of tourists.

Berlin seemed to be blossoming,

and the energy I felt from being there was invigorating and unexpected.

There was so much more of Berlin that I did not get to see and I'm hopeful that one day I will be back to visit again.

Next up: Edinburgh

Europe Trip, Part III: Prague.

Prague, Czech Republic

{Warning Picture Overload!}

Prague welcomed us with open arms and freezing temperatures. We spent a lot of time walking around and it never even got up to 32F degrees the entire time we were there. No matter the cold weather, I enjoyed Prague's beauty. It's easy to feel miserable when you can't feel your toes and fingers, and your eyes are burning from the cold wind, but thankfully we had some sun that made it bearable and cozy cafes that offered sweet relief.

Prague Castle

We hit the ground running when we arrived from Vienna. A friend met us at the train station, we went back to her place and dropped our stuff, and then hightailed it up to the Castle only to find out that the indoor portions had already closed for the day. Closed castle or not, we took tons of pictures of the outdoor areas. The view of the city was incredible!

When our bodies could no longer take our outdoor wanderings, we made out way to Vytopna, a restaurant suggestion from Liz (friend we were staying with). And while warmth was not its strong suite (we were sat right near the entrance where the breeze would come in every time the door was opened), the food was delicious and abundant. The drinks are served by toy train and, yes, Micah's beer in the photo below is green.

Upon making our way back to where we were staying, we were exhausted but determined to enjoy more of the evening, our first night in our new city. We followed another of Liz' suggestions to Sudicka, close to home I might add because it was FREEZING.

The door opened low and I followed the steps down into the cave-like, cellar restaurant. It was filled with people, people toasting and people laughing and people relaxing. For a busy Saturday night & no reservation, we lucked out on the only table open, a table for 2. The walls were brick, the warmth was palpable, and the tables and chairs were wooden and worn. I was in love. The place I stepped into felt cozy, removed, and a touch magical.

The fact that our evening also consisted of beer/wine, tea, and desserts, all of which were incredible, just added to its charm. My wine was from Moravia, a cabernet sauvignon, my tea was chamomile, and my desserts (that I begrudgingly shared) were chocolate cake and cheesecake. To re-live this night again...I would do it in a heartbeat.

The next morning we were running a tad slow and ended up having to book it over to Old Town Square in order to join Sandemann's New World walking tour, a "free" tour that you decide at the end how much to tip your guide.

Three hours later I had seen lots of sites, heard a fair bit of Prague history, and felt quite proud that I had managed to survive hours in the bitter cold without abandoning ship in exchange for a warm cafe.

One of the unique aspects of our tour was actually some of the tourguide's research that she shared about Terezin, a fortress built by the Hapsburg monarchy that was converted into a concentration camp by the Nazis. There was a woman named Friedl Dicker-Brandeis that during the time she was imprisoned at Terezin, she provided art lessons to children and encouraged them to express their emotions through art. It was one of the early forms of art therapy by helping children cope with the horrors and fears of their lives in the camp. The Jewish Museum in Prague actually holds an exhibit of some of the artwork that was hid (by Friedl Dicker-Brandeis) and later found after the war. I would have loved to visit it, perhaps next time...

After touring around Prague, we crossed the Charles Bridge, where I rubbed the bronze plaque under the statute of St. John of Nepomuk. Legend says that if you rub the righthand side you will have good luck and you will return to Prague, and if you rub the other side you will have bad luck and never return to Prague!

These red doors reminded me of some of our wedding pictures that we took, so I suggested that we recreate the poses. :)

Finally, we hunkered down at Cafe Savoy for a couple hours to return our fingers and toes to normal temperatures. We shared some lentil soup and ate another piece of cheesecake (who knew Prague had such great cheesecake?!?)

Our second and final morning in Prague, we returned to the Castle to see the indoor, ticketed areas that we had missed on our first attempt. We went inside both St. Vitus Cathedral (pictured first) and St. George's Basillica (pictured second). The two had vastly different styles, as you can see below.

To sum up my Prague experience, I loved, loved, loved Sudicka. I found the city as a whole to be beautiful as it navigates the line between sticking with tradition and engaging international influences. It appeared that Prague is finding its own self apart from its rocky, changing history. I also really enjoyed seeing the city through other people's eyes (Liz and our tourguide, both of whom have been there awhile) because it gave me a slightly broader perspective.

Next up: Berlin