saying goodbye and hello.

It all seemed to end rather quickly. One minute I am a grad student living in Denver and the next I am an unemployed graduate living in San Francisco. What happened? Where did the last two years go? How did I finish school so quickly? Am I really prepared for life after graduate school?

It feels somewhat strange being back in SF with nothing to do, no schedule to follow, no greater purpose than editing my cover letter over and over again and organizing our apartment life into 850 square feet of space. When I left Denver, I didn't really say goodbye. I focused on the things that had made me slightly bitter about living there: the oblivious/reckless drivers, the lack of good (& cheap) food, and the overabundance of sports bars and the type of people that frequent them. But, Denver was more than that to me. It was the place of our first home. It was a place of re-discovering academia, of learning more about the world around me and how I fit into it. It was the place that we adopted our first pet. And it was the place that I reconnected with old friends and met new ones along the way. Denver may not be my ideal home, but I'm glad I lived there. I'm glad that in many ways it was the right fit for where I was in life (let's not forget cheap rent is a huge plus for poor students and newlyweds) and for that I am thankful. Saying goodbye is not easy, especially when there are so many mixed emotions that are attached to it. One of my professors said that saying goodbye is a mixture of grief and relief, and I like that definition. It fits.

And now I find myself back in San Francisco. I'll admit I was worried about whether it could live up to the expectations that had been building in my head over the last two years I was away. I was (and still very much am) worried about finding a job in a market that has a rather large supply of qualified non-profit professionals. But, I am really happy (minus the no job thing, because that's a whole other post in and of itself).

I'm home. So, hello, golden gate bridge that suspends so gracefully. Hello, eucalyptus trees in the park and cheap nail salons on every corner and food that is flavorful and spicy. Hello, muni with your plethora of interesting people. And, hello, friends and family that I've missed so much. Hello, city that I love. I'm excited to get reacquainted again.